Right now

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March SOLC–Day 28

Right now, it’s 4:17 am. I’m sitting at the table in front of my computer. It’s still dark outside and the interior lights reflect off the windows. When I look up, I see my outline and below it, the apple icon on my computer glows back at me, floating oddly in the dark window. My coffee steams gently in my favorite Quebec City mug and periodically I hold it in my hands, enjoying the warmth.

Spring seems to be malingering this year. I’m tired of paying oil bills, so I’m going with a two-pronged heating approach. At my feet the space heater whirrs and hums and the heated air wafts upward into the chilly room. My cat settles in front of me, content to divert some of the air flow. The radiators click, doing their part to bring the room up to a reasonable temperature. In the background NPR plays and I hear yet more concerning news. I try to push it aside and focus on the day. What can I do about it right at this moment? On the other hand, before school starts I need to pay some bills, prep for conferences, and finish lesson planning. Cut EPA funding, really? 

It’s a typical morning. Coffee. Radio on. Cat. Multiple heat sources. Controversial news. E-mail. Writing. The self talk is similar as well. Ok, you can only write until 4:30–Ok, 4:45 at the latest. I mean it! You have to get those bills out today–no more delaying!– and finish planning that math lesson. Don’t forget to write Anne about the taxes. Coal plant emissions!!!??  Really!? Don’t go there right now. Ok. Ok. Remember you have to find a passage for X to use with his new plan. That needs to start today as well. Also, you have to watch that MEA testing video this morning. Blah. Blah. Blah. You get the picture.

Each morning I spend a lot of mental energy trying to discipline myself to do what I’m supposed to do rather than what I want to do. The beauty of mornings is that it all seems possible at that time–or at least most days it does. But the clock ticks inexorably forward and it’s now 4:48. Oops! The Must do’s and should-have-done’s are clamoring ever louder in the background. I’m off to throw them a bone!

A huge thank you to  Anna, Beth, Betsy, Deb, Kathleen, Lisa, Lanny, Melanie, and Stacey for all that they do to create an amazing community of writers and a safe, welcoming space to write, learn, share and grow.
To read more slices, check out twowritingteachers.org

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7 thoughts on “Right now

  1. In your last paragraph, you offer us hope – “The beauty of mornings is that it all seems possible” and send us off with a smile on our faces – “I’m off to throw them a bone!”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amy Warntz says:

    You certainly are up early. Perhaps by choice, perhaps not. That inner voice has a tendency to get the best of us and take over, doesn’t it? Go throw that bone and throw it far! Hope you have a great day!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. terierrol says:

    Oh, I so relate to those early mornings’ self rants. As we try to remember it all, I find this writing helps me to remember myself. Yes, go throw that bone!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. cindaroo42 says:

    I love when you share your inner thoughts. When you see them written down it’s amazing how our minds jump around from 1 topic to the next! Good luck with your to-do’s today and glad you do your writing first!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. tbreitweiser says:

    It is difficult to turn off the writing when you are on a roll – no matter how many bills are waiting – thanks for sharing this post
    https://tammysreadinglife.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  6. lindabaie says:

    You’ve described what I htink every morning, Molly. It yawns before me, full of lots of time. And yes, the minutes tick away, and yes, I am listening this am about the EPA too. You captured your early, early time well!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. pittswitts says:

    I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with a space heater… Wonderfully captured 🙂

    Like

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