Reworking a poem

I just had a great time rewriting an earlier post from this summer.  The Teachers Write challenge was to include some unusual things in your writing (names of scientists, brand name cereals, car  parts, etc.)  Here’s the new, hopefully improved version!

 

Sometimes early on a misting morning in July,

I stand and look out the rain-dropped window.

The garden vista blurred,

an oasis of moist green,

like Gregor Mendel’s peas,

verdant and ripe with promise.

The old Ford reclines in the back field

gastropodal silver trails crisscross its askew bumper.

Damp leaves rustle

Errant drops scatter to the ground

Birds call and I listen,

enthralled by the jungle echoes

of the pileated woodpecker

On the radio the distant buzz of voices

Irwin Gratz reports the latest scores

White Sox 8 Yankees 1

The house settles around me

The dog rustles and sighs, slipping deeper into Milk Bone dreams

The promising drip-drip-hiss of the coffee pot punctuates the silence

along with the Snap-Crackle-Pop of my Rice Krispies

I soften

lean into the moment

and breathe.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Reworking a poem

  1. Ellen says:

    Beautiful! I especially like the ending–I can hear the coffee and the cereal.

    Like

  2. mainereader says:

    I too loved the ending. Felt myself sigh too. Had to ask Wester about gastropod, but immediately “saw” the trail of silver. Also loved “freckles” in the second edition of High Dive. Learning how to handle blogs and to reply. So glad you included me, Molly.

    Like

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